Originally posted on https://www.chrismassmanmft.com/news/how-to-save-a-marriage-with-trust-issues
Trust is one of the most important foundations on which a relationship thrives.
Here’s how to save a marriage with trust issues.
HOW TO SAVE A MARRIAGE WITH TRUST ISSUES
Trust issues have been on the rise over the last few years, according to CBS News. They say only 1/3 of the people studied felt they could trust other people.
Trust issues also exist in relationships. As noted by published reports, trusts issues can damage a relationship. Anytime one, or both, partners feel betrayed, abused in any way, and jealous, the relationship can suffer.
A relationship can be saved, however. First it is important to know why trust is so important in a relationship.
IMPORTANCE OF TRUST
When you trust someone, you feel safe with them. You feel you can depend on them and if you ask them for help, they will make every effort to help. Your partner has open conversations with you, listens to you and makes you a priority.
Trust means you and your partner admit when you are wrong and does not become defensive when you ask questions. No secrets are kept between you.
Trust is not something you can make someone do. You cannot demand that someone provide you with trust. This is because trust is a choice you make based on the actions of your partner. If their actions are trustworthy, you can choose to trust them.
If their actions are unreliable, sneaky or make you feel unsafe, you may develop signs of distrust.
SIGNS OF DISTRUST
Your thoughts can be a sure sign of distrust in your relationship. Do you or your partner always think negative thoughts about your partner? For instance, do you often think your partner is cheating on you? Do you check his or her cellphone because you think they are texting someone else behind your back?
Another sign could be if you find yourself monitoring everything your spouse does. Like if they say they are going to run errands, you want to see the receipts or evidence from every place they visited.
Your feelings also help you understand distrust. If you are feeling insecure, confused or sad about your relationship, it is a possibility you are having trust issues.
Finally, if your spouse or friends and family tell you directly, they think you have trust issues, then it is worth investigating.
There are many things you can do to save your relationship, even after you have started feeling like you cannot trust your spouse. Below are a few of the best steps you can take to help both you and your spouse.
1. SEEK THERAPY FROM A MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST
Every couple can benefit from therapy, even the ones that seem to be perfect from the outside looking in. Usually those are the relationships that could benefit the most from therapy.
The key, however, is to obtain help from a specialized treatment professional. Just as you choose a medical specialist to treat medical conditions, you want to do the same for your relationship.
For example, do not choose a child and adolescent therapist to help you fix your marriage. The correct therapist is called a marriage and family therapist. Make sure they are licensed, have great experience, and come with references.
2. COMMIT TO HEALING
Both you and your partner will need to be committed to saving the marriage. It truly does take two to make the relationship work. Making a commitment means you are both making efforts to let go of any anger or resentment.
You also agree to forgiveness, growth, improvement, sharing your feelings and thoughts and learning about successful communication. You are also willing to accept and learn about changes that can improve the relationship.
3. BE TRANSPARENT
One of the best ways to increase trust is to share with each other and be transparent. This means share where you are going, who you are talking to, and anything else that could be perceived as secretive to your partner.
Sharing every detail of your day is not necessary. However, the activities that take you away from your spouse, should be shared. This includes business meetings, hanging out with friends, social media accounts, email accounts and even phone calls and texts.
Being secretive about any one of these activities can reduce trust levels.
4. IMPROVE COMMUNICATION
This is one area your therapist will have methods to help you improve. Communication involves so much more than just talking and listening. It includes body language, honesty, reflection, tone of voice, the words you use, and even physical touch.
Many distrust issues may be resolved once communication skills are improved. It is the not knowing and not sharing that creates suspiciousness.
Communication should also involve sharing your deeper thoughts and feelings that will bring you closer together.
5. STOP POLICING
Rebuilding trust means you must allow each other to live life without feeling as if you will be interrogated every day. Eating a meal together should not include a series of questions followed by robotic answers explaining your day’s events.
Do not go searching for lies or reasons to blame your spouse. Neither of you should feel like you are on trial.
Plus, when both of you are committed to improving your relationship, your will share the important stuff anyway, without the need to ask questions.
6. MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE A PRIORITY
To save anything, you must make it a priority. What you put the most energy into will be the thing that thrives. So, if you want your marriage to thrive, you must put more energy into it.
There are many ways you can make your marriage a priority, with most of them allowing you to simply spend time together. Have date nights, go on vacation together, make a bucket list together and start checking things off of the list.
In conclusion, these tips can provide you with a starting point to saving your marriage from trust issues. If your relationship is worth saving, start today by reaching out for help. Begin working on forgiveness and show each other you are willing to be transparent.
You can start right now taking steps to overcome the trust issues in your marriage.
Photo by samer daboul