couple Photo by Ketut Subiyanto

Originally Posted On: https://duncanfamilylaw.com/10-signs-that-its-time-to-file-for-divorce/

Every marriage has its ups and downs. It will always require work, and it will never be smooth sailing “til death do you part.” But sometimes, there comes the point when the work outweighs the rewards, and the thought of staying in your marriage is terrifying. If this is where you’re at, you may be wondering whether it’s time for you to go ahead and ask your divorce attorney to file those divorce papers. In that case, here are 10 signs you should consider.

1. When it’s all about revenge

Forgiveness is a crucial concept to a healthy marriage. But if you or your partner are in a constant state of getting back at each other rather than forgiving mistakes, your relationship cannot be anything but toxic. When you or your partner find it impossible to practice forgiveness over revenge, it’s a clear sign that your marriage is in trouble.

2. You dread your spouse’s presence

The old saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” should be true in your marriage. If you find yourself looking to get away from your spouse or don’t miss them at all during times of separation, something is very wrong. Especially if you find yourself anxious and tense when you’re around each other, your relationship isn’t where it needs to be to grow.

3. Counseling hasn’t worked

Before you throw in the towel on your marriage, it’s always smart to see if counseling can help you sort out your differences. Many times, years of bitterness and frustration can be traced back to one tiny misunderstanding that has grown to overshadow your marriage. But if you’ve tried to reconcile through counseling, and you can’t put the past in the past, it may be time to move on.

4. Your spouse is abusive

Abuse of any kind is always a clear signal to get out fast. Unfortunately, abusive spouses rarely change, and it’s unwise to hope that yours will be the exception. Make your safety (and your children’s) a priority and get as far away from an abusive relationship as possible. Get in touch with a domestic violence attorney if you need one, don’t forget the first consultation is free of charge.

5. Communication isn’t possible

Communication is vital to any relationship, but especially marriage. If you are unable to communicate with each other because you’re in a constant state of arguing, tension, and blame-shifting, it’s time to reevaluate your position. Without communication, there is no relationship—just coexistence.

6. You can’t remember the positives

Think about the three strongest memories you have of your marriage. What are they? If they’re all negative, that’s a problem. Having positive memories gives us hope that a bright and happy future is still possible. But if you cannot associate anything but negativity with your marriage, it may be a sign that you’ve already given up on having a happy relationship again.

7. Thinking about your future is depressing

Marriage is supposed to be an exciting thing. No doubt, when you married your spouse, the potential of your future together brought you happiness and anticipation for what was to come. But where are you now? If the thought of spending another year, month, or even a day with your spouse leaves you filled with dread and resignation, there’s a problem. Every marriage will have its obstacles that have to be worked through, but if you’re in a constant state of dismay, it’s time to reevaluate.

8. You’re done trying

As we said before, marriage will never be a completely smooth road—even if it starts that way. Both parties will always have to put in work to make a marriage happy and fulfilling. But if your relationship has turned into a one-way street where only you put in the work with zero rewards, that’s a problem.

9. You don’t recognize yourself anymore

A typical relationship problem is a loss of identity. It’s easy to become so absorbed in meeting your spouse’s needs and desires that you lose track of yourself in the process. But it’s essential for your mental health that you can be yourself and behave in a way that’s true to you. However, if you fear that letting your colors shine will scare off or offend your spouse, your chances of a positive partnership are limited.

10. Your family dynamic is toxic

Toxicity affects everyone around you—including your children. If you’ve come to a point where everything about your relationship is negative and hurtful, it’s usually a downward trend. A healthy relationship exemplifies balanced and happy energy. But if your family life is soaked in negativity and hurt, you’re not doing yourself or your kids any favors.

Did any of these signs resonate with you? It’s always wise to try alternative methods such as legal separation and counseling before you give up entirely and file for your divorce. But once you’ve exhausted all your options, you have to be truthful with yourself and honestly evaluate whether there is hope for you and your spouse. If you do decide to file, our divorce lawyers at Duncan Family Law are prepared to guide you through the process. Our office can be reached at (855) 369-9993. You may schedule a consultation with our divorce lawyers in Los Angeles or Denver and get a free consultation by phone, Zoom, FaceTime, or other remote means during this time.